Finally a night out

There was this Caribbean ladies night happening last night. So i grabbed my two dancing girlfriends to hit the dance floor. Maaan it musta been waaay too long since I moved my body. I am soooo sore today after dancing for about 4 hours last night.
We went to this German bar at the Rocks for a predrink and it was like going in a time warp. the place was blasting all these 80's and early 90's music...OMG.

With my news front. well it's moving forward I guess. but still waiting. but at least this time they gave me more time. I got a month now. and hopefully will have some answer by the end of May. Just signed up and paid for this English language test thing. ugggh. what an utter waste of time. i'm just hoping i'll still be in the country in July to take it coz they got some stupid no refund rule.

SOOOO Mortified!!!!

My new flatmate just moving in now and I've already managed to totally embarrassed myself..OMG. She told us she was gonna move at 9:30p.m. and seeing how it was only 9p.m. I decide to have a shower. When I came out, there were noises in the house ...I'm already thinking "Oh crap, they're here early! and I'm just wrapped in a towel! The movers! damn damn damn" So I thought best to just run up to my room and out of sight as fast as possible hoping they're still moving things outside...

But who do I encounter at the top of the steps....the friends helping my new flatmate move...and...they're muslims....There was a girl my age dressed all covered up in the traditional attire.. and then this older guy (probably girl's dad) big white beard and all....and me standing in front of them in just a towel.....Eeeks I must have offended them sooo much.

I just keep saying sorry while I ran to my room. Maaan, what a great start to the new house sharing... eeeeks

Half Nelson

Got free tickets to the screening preview to see "Half Nelson". (click on title to see info from IMDB) figured it would be a good way to distract myself. catch up with my friend LL. and get out of the house.
Still don't get why it was called half nelson after watching it... it was alright. artsy...not a mainstream movie. got quite sad near the end. I could feel tears threatening to spill...but perhaps that's just me in my extra emotional state.

So sad my favourite flatmate SW (we even have same initials!) moved out on Saturday. She's the one I would go and have late night chats with. I'm so glad living together hasn't made us drive each other crazy but brought us even closer as friends.

Was lucky to find a someone to take over the room quickly. actually had quite a few girls came and checked out the room through out last week. but we told them we'll get back to them next wk. and basically every one of them already found a place by the time i called yesterday (or perhaps that's their "polite" way of saying they didn't like the place..., one girl said it was too small, and we figured it would be considering she wants to put in a double bed, a desk and a wardrobe etc into the room) maybe if she was to just fall onto the bed from the door and use her bed as chair for her desk... anyway, the girl who's moving in actually was the 2nd person to inspect the room and didn't give off a "i'm very keen" attitude initially. but hey she came back for a 2nd check out and I got to meet her (since i wasn't there the first time. and honestly. how can you live with someone without meeting them first???)
she seemed pretty nice. and she smsed us after to show her keeness this time. so it was all good.
she's a self proclaimed neat freak. so I just hope our sometimes sloppiness won't get to her... hahah but at least the house would be clean for once!

funny thing was, when HB put up the ad for the room online. our ex ex flatmate called and enquired about it.. hahaha.. as if!!! had enough troubles and dramas the last time , history is NOT gonna repeat itself. I refuse to be stuck in the middle again.
anyway just hoping for some news tomorrow
that's always the case. it's always TOMORROW......
so sick of waiting

Another Day.....

Finally heard some news about my situation...though it wasn't good news. but at least I finally hear something. Gives me more to think about what path I should be taking next instead of this aimless wander. Though supposedly to hear more news update tomorrow...
But just seems to go back to square one. more waiting and waiting and nothing happens.
perhaps this whole thing just can't be fixed and I'm meant to restart my life. Change the environment. meet new people. adopt a new lifestyle....but can I?

Gawd never though I would have a quarter life crisis...though it's not quite that, none of it happened due to my age. I'm not thinking about all this due to my age. but I am at life's crossroad and don't know which way to go. After losing everything, should I still continue on this same path? or should I look elsewhere to start afresh?

Thank you all who showed me support and love during this time. I really really appreciate it. Am i acting strong in front of you? it's all "acting" though. in reality, I still don't know how to face it all just yet, was never very good with confronting conflicts. I tend to run away. stick my head in the ground like an ostrich and just hope the problem goes away. Yes I know, not the most effective manner...I know I really should face it. deal with it. but i'm just so scared. scared of changes, scared of imagining what my life (if you can call it that) would be like.
I feel like I'm just wasting time, wasting money, energy and practically everything to continue the way I am right now. It's all this endless cycle. There's no way out. It's all just the same motion over and over again. How can I not be numb to it all. The result's always the same. never change...

And that's the one thing I actually want to change in my life but it remains such a constant. how ironic.
Feels like the last 2 months been just this vicious cycle. Day after day just a repetition. With things deteriorating. going from bad to worse. Bad news one after another and then no news and the endless waiting and waiting...

How do I believe in myself again? That I'm worthy and all this is only a hurdle I will one day eventually be able to get pass. I know I'm suppose to think that way but yet...right now, I just can't see it. I don't even know how to be me anymore...

So much has happened.......

I don't even know where to begin. Never really thought I was a private person but I hate sharing bad news. I hate others seeing me when I'm down and depressed. But that can't be helped now. I don't know how to get out of this...."mess" i'm in. Been looking down the tunnel hoping to see light at the end. but just seems like endless darkness and i keep on falling and tumbling.

with all the bad news I don't know how to see the "brighter" side anymore.
a dream i've believe in was shattered and along with it my heart and confidence.
I don't even know where to begin picking up the pieces.
Nothing seems right at the moment.
I don't know how to be "me" anymore.
Friends say i need to be strong to get through this. but I dont know where to get the strength from. Inner strength is so non existent at the moment.